Neelu Agarwal has been the Head of Belonging & DEI at Bank of England and Executive Director at Wells Fargo. An international speaker, coach, and culture consultant, she brings deep institutional experience and cultural intelligence to leaders and organisations striving to build more inclusive, high-performing workplaces.
Charles Horton Cooley once wrote: “I am not what I think I am. I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.”
We all perceive ourselves through the imagined lens of others — which is why the behaviours, tone, and body language around us matter more than we realise. Psychological safety is the invisible force that shapes how we show up — at work, and at home. Before I tell you about the two versions of me, I need to tell you what shaped them.
Psychological safety…
Not the corporate definition — the human one. It’s the feeling that you can speak, question, challenge, admit, try, fail, rise, and be yourself… without fear of judgement, humiliation, or career consequence.
It’s the difference between walking into work with your shoulders relaxed or your stomach tight. It’s the difference between contributing ideas freely or rehearsing them silently. It’s the difference between thriving and simply surviving.
This is deeply connected to how we see ourselves.
The Version of Me That Shrunk
I remember seasons where I felt myself getting smaller.
- Where raising a challenge meant being labelled “difficult.”
- Where calling out harmful behaviour from an influential stakeholder made me feel like a troublemaker.
- Where silence followed my ideas.
- Where performance reviews punished honesty.
- Where leaders backtracked on their words.
- Where my heart raced before meetings and sank afterwards.
And the impact wasn’t just emotional — it was physical.
Research shows:
- Lack of psychological safety activates the body’s threat response, increasing cortisol and anxiety.
- Employees who feel unsafe are 2–3x more likely to experience burnout symptoms.
- Low psychological safety is strongly linked to chronic stress, presenteeism, and emotional exhaustion.
- Nearly 50% of employees who leave organisations cite lack of safety, trust, or respect as a key factor.
- Teams with low psychological safety have higher turnover, lower engagement, and reduced creativity.
But research doesn’t capture the human cost.
The cost is confidence. The cost is self‑trust. The cost is feeling invisible. The cost is the quiet thought: “Maybe I don’t matter here.” When you carry that home, it doesn’t stay at the office door. It follows you into your evenings, your relationships, your sleep, your sense of self. This is because, when work makes you small, life feels smaller too.
The Version of Me That Rose
And then there were the seasons where I felt alive.
- Where managers gave me time in one‑to‑ones.
- Where leaders checked in when I was vulnerable.
- Where colleagues listened without judgement.
- Where my Indian attire felt like an expression, not a risk.
- Where my expertise was sought, respected, and valued.
- Where senior leaders trusted me to design bold, unique programmes.
- In those seasons, I didn’t just work — I thrived.
- I wasn’t looking for jobs. I wasn’t doubting myself. I wasn’t shrinking.
- I was confident. I was energised. I was at peace. I was loyal.
Brené Brown captures this beautifully: “Belonging is being accepted for who you are. Fitting in is being accepted for who you pretend to be.” In psychologically safe environments, I didn’t have to pretend. I belonged. The ripple effect was real.
When you feel safe at work, you show up better at home. You have more patience. More joy. More emotional bandwidth. More presence. You’re not replaying conversations in your head at 2am. You’re not carrying invisible bruises into your personal life.
Psychological safety doesn’t just make better employees — it makes healthier humans.
The Compassion We Owe Each Other
But here’s something I’ve learned along the way: Not every negative experience is malice. Not every dismissive glance is intentional. Not every overlooked comment in a chat box is a judgement. Not every silence is rejection.
Sometimes it’s simply:
- Lack of awareness
- Cognitive overload
- Stress
- Habit
- Blind spots
- A behaviour someone doesn’t even realise they’re doing
There’s a quote I return to often: “We judge ourselves by our intentions. Others judge us by our impact.” Most people don’t realise how their micro‑behaviours land — which is why awareness is not optional in leadership. It’s human to dissect every micro‑moment. It’s human to replay the awkwardness. It’s human to wonder, “Was it me?”
But, giving people the benefit of the doubt is also part of psychological safety. Not excusing harmful behaviour — but recognising that most people are not trying to hurt us. They’re often unaware of the impact they’re having.
Awareness is a skill. Safety is a skill. Leadership is a skill. And skills can be taught.
The Compassion We Owe Leaders
We forget this too often: Leaders need psychological safety too.
Most managers are navigating a complex middle layer — pressure from above, expectations from below, childcare, caring responsibilities, and the constant fear of getting it wrong.
Many were never taught:
- How to listen so people feel heard
- How to ask for feedback without fear
- How to create safety when they don’t feel safe
- How to care for their mental health while caring for others
Just because someone carries it well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy. Hurt people hurt people. Unsupported leaders unintentionally create unsafe teams. If we want safe teams, we must first create safe leaders.
A Simple Practice That Changes Culture
I recommend every organisation adopt this ritual:
Quarterly Growth Feedback Chats
A conversation where managers ask each team member: “Am I giving you the environment you need to thrive?” Where managers share their own challenges too.
This is how trust is built. This is how courage grows. This is how cultures shift. It’s not a performance review. It’s not a corporate formality. It’s a human moment. Human moments change everything.
What Organisations Can Do Next
- Listen to your leaders.
- Hold listening circles.
- Set expectations clearly: “Your voice is my steer.”
- Build portals for sharing opinions.
- Train people to give feedback that builds, not breaks.
- Teach the impact of body language.
- Embed Quarterly Growth Feedback Chats.
Psychological safety is not a soft skill. It is the foundation of performance, wellbeing, and human potential.
If you want to build a Psychological Safety Accelerator for your team or organisation, reach out. Because when people feel safe, they don’t just contribute — they transform.